(Saw whirring)
What the fuck?
What the fuck happened over here?
Shit!
Sorry, Mr. Parsons.
What are you doing, dude?
You haven't paid your bills in three months.
It's out of my hands.
You don't have to do jack shit!
Come on, just give me another break!
I'm just doing my job, man.
You are just another fucking asshole!
Have a nice day.
Fucking shit!
It's one thing I hate, is warm beer.
Hey, listen, maybe I can give a little donation
to the Electrical Worker's Ball.
Just pay your bill, sir.
Fucking dickhead!
What's wrong, Dad?
They shut the power off again!
Just go and get some power, boy!
What do you think?
Four thousand nine hundred square feet.
Seven bedrooms, four and a half bathrooms.
Hardwood floor, Italian marble, Jacuzzi, tennis courts.
I think I'm going to like it here.
Do you play tennis?
Are you alone? Where are your parents?
Beverley Hills, Rome, London.
Who knows?
Lucky bastard.
What are you doing?
Redistributing the wealth.
Well, I call it stealing.
You do not need to worry about what I'm doing.
You need to learn to mind your own business.
But it is my business.
You can't just walk onto a person's property
and expect them to--
Look, kid, be a good neighbour,
or I'll kick your fucking ass!
MAN: Jack!
Coming, Dad!
¶
(Honking)
MAN: Jesus! Fuck!
Fuck!
Pull the fuck over, Jack!
I have had enough! I want out!
Fuck!
Can't lose, can't lose.
Can I get a little "Amen" on that?
Look at the fucking road!
It's a self-fulfilling prophecy.
No, it's not! It's a fucking death wish!
And I'm not planning to die!
Would you please turn on the fucking lights?
Jack, will you please, please put on the fucking lights?
I'm driving by sound here, man!
What?
How drunk are you?
Relax. It is an old bootlegger's trick.
I know this road like the back of my fucking hand, okay?
Fucking left or right?
Put your hands on the fucking wheel!
Right, right, right! It's a left!
Put on the lights, Jack!
Winner!
Jesus Christ!
(Moaning)
The train is in the station!
Choo fucking choo!
(Moaning)
Hey! I hope we didn't keep you up, man.
Oh, no, no, no.
I slept like I was in the womb.
Jack. Jack, those are mine.
These are my shoes, man.
Oh, Vera, if I put anything else up my nose,
I'm going to end up like that chick from Fleetwood Mac.
Anne said you're pledging Veritas.
Shh. It's a secret.
She said you told her.
Kings of funny hats.
Same bullshit, different secret handshake, silly clubs.
No, no, no. Mickey Mouse has the silly club.
These are key men.
Where are you going so early, man?
I wanna see Anne before class.
Class.
Yes, class.
Save the wisecracks for Bristor.
Give Professor Bristor our best.
That's my towel.
Treats for my peeps.
You do it yet?
Veritas isn't just some fraternity.
These guys end up ruling the world.
Presidents, senators, lords!
(Sniffing)
Look, I'm going to go look for Anne.
Mark, pump him so full of drugs that he does exactly what I ask.
MARK: If Jack gets in to these trust fund pricks.
I can finish off a shitload more of my stuff.
Too early to process your bullshit.
Class. Class. Class!
I know why they chose Donald Hallford.
He symbolizes everything that is wrong
with the United States of America.
You have any thoughts on how we are going to move this fucker?
He probably weighs a ton.
Got steroids? No.
No, I got some homemade acid
that will make you feel like Superman.
There is a 40 percent chance you might have an aneurysm.
Class.
No, fuck class!
I can teach you everything you need to know!
MAN: I hope you have all studied, because Professor Bristor
is going to get to the bottom of your thoughts on philosophy.
And even Mr. Parsons.
Since we have not seen or heard from you since fraternity week,
maybe you would like to expound philosophy of the Greeks.
The Greeks believed that it is neither a short life
nor a long life.
There is only the life that you have.
And what kind of life do we have, Jack?
I quote Aeschylus:
"The life you were given is the perfect life."
If you work with it, it has got its own shape, its own arc.
It's perfect.
Ah, that is quite an original take on the text, Jack.
But what happens when this perfect life comes to an end?
Death is not the end to the Greeks.
They see the soul or person inhabiting the body
as a sort of a pilot.
Tacitus even said that some men are born posthumously.
Do you know what occurs to me, Jack?
If you were to stay away from the parties,
you might even have a brain.
Who gives a fuck then?
About what?
About what we do in this life,
because the next one is going to be better no matter what.
"Call no man happy until he is dead!"
"Lay not treasures upon the Earth!"
"Love, seek it not itself to please,
but build a heaven in hell's despair!"
Thank you, Mr. Parsons.
That was William Blake,
for those of you scoring along at home.
So if that is the end of today's outburst--
Well, this is all just practice.
What does anything matter, like coming to class?
Well, none.
Except that then maybe finally
I could get you thrown out of this college!
I can take away your perfect little life.
Of course, according to Tacitus, I'd be doing you a favour.
Are you threatening me?
No, of course not, sir.
All right, you have got your papers.
Let us start.
I can't lose.
So you are thinking about going into medicine?
Sure.
I could lose an entire weekend in my dad's medicine cabinet.
Where the hell do you think you are going?
Relax. It's a shortcut.
Shortcut, my ass!
I'm going to spend all the money I can,
which my family has made over the last 300 years.
Are you serious?
Cross my heart and hope to die. Yeah?
And also marry Anne, and make her my princess.
I'll get my girl once I get my Benz.
Oh, and my 911 Porsche with 33-inch tires.
A Ferrari...
Your dad is going to have to mow a million lawns for that shit.
Shh! There she is.
(Dance music playing)
Oh, boy.
Word around campus is that a couple of fraternity pledges
were spotted diving off the roof of the Chem Lab
into a nearby dumpster.
Crazy kids.
Their parents must have given them peyote.
I understand Freddy's need to submit himself
to these idiotic initiation rights,
but I would assume that you would mock
that sort of behaviour.
You should know, my dear sweet Anne,
why this is important to me.
Freddy.
I'm going to class, but I just--
I just wanted to plant a seed
about rethinking this whole fraternity thing.
Plant all you want, but my fields are barren,
as far as growing any kind of deep thoughts are concerned.
The sad thing is that you might actually mean that.
I can't get a read on Anne lately.
She seems so distracted.
I need to make my move, you know?
I need to do something so bold
that it will be impossible for her to ignore.
Well, shit, man, what's the rush?
It has only been, what? Ten years?
Do you ever wonder about Jack and Freddy?
In what way?
Are they really just a couple of homos,
fucking with our minds?
(Laughing)
You can answer that last one,
seeing as how you are Jack's current conquest.
Conquest implies he had to fight to get me.
What the fuck are you doing? That's cat food!
The brothers need dip, pledge.
Fine. Well, in that case...
(Laughing)
Not to sound like a total slut,
which is so hard because I'm one,
but I would not mind being the meat
on a Jack and Freddy sandwich.
A little rich man, poor man action, you know?
I think you need to think real hard about
what it is that you need in a relationship.
Otherwise, someone is just going to end up getting hurt.
Wow.
You are such an uptight bitch.
Can't you take off the halo for one second?
You want to see the horns?
(Laughing)
¶
Don't fuck with Jack.
It's too bad we don't have any salt.
It's not a problem, man.
(Urinating)
¶
Are you hot?
No, man, I'm just fat.
What about that girl over there?
The one with the nipples that could cut glass.
Those are nipple rings.
(Coughing)
Bullshit, man. How do you know?
Because I just got finished chewing on them
a couple of hours ago.
(Laughing)
You get me through all of this fucking initiation bullshit,
I will see what I can do about you and nipple rings.
Yeah?
(Cheering)
Hey! Man, hey!
I don't care what they say about you, man!
I'm glad you are going to be a brother.
Honour, respect, privilege right?
Privilege. Hey, no hard feelings, man!
Abso-fucking-lutely, man.
Is this dip? I fucking love dip!
Thanks, man!
Yeah. Well done, man. Well done.
Now go get the fucking hose, pledge!
You're my complete hero.
You know that, don't you?
¶
YOUNG JACK: Anne is going to make you a great first wife.
YOUNG FREDDY: If she will ever put out.
I'm not buying the cow until I get some milk.
That is the most perverted thing I've ever heard of!
She said she's going to save it until we get engaged.
When will that be?
Straight after university.
Oh? Congratulations.
Does she know?
Well, there's no need to tell her.
I'm not going to take no for an answer.
¶
You scared the shit out of me!
Do you know that ancient proverb?
You save somebody's life,
you are responsible for them for the rest of their life?
You're an asshole.
You do this to yourself.
Actually, a buddy of mine made this.
It actually stimulates the part of the brain
they call the "uber-brain" by the Germans.
Does it work?
Well, they almost made it to Moscow, didn't they?
FREDDY: So how was it?
What?
Wherever it is that you've been.
I don't remember.
Why do you always pass out on your face like that?
Because if you pass out on your back,
you can asphyxiate on your own vomit.
Let us make more memories.
Sure.
Whose car are we borrowing?
Uh, Miller's. I bumped into him.
Let's hope it's decent.
What is a decent car?
A sports car, a four by four, a rear-wheel drive?
You know what the best cars are?
Somebody else's.
What the fuck is Bristor doing?
Well, he's got to earn a living.
What kind of car would Miller drive?
(Beeping)
Jackpot.
See what kind of trouble we can get into.
(Chirping)
I've been looking for you.
Well? What?
Come on, Jack, just own up to it.
To what?
You really don't remember?
Remember what?
Maybe you hit your head harder than I thought.
My head?
Jack, you were driving the car!
What car, man?
Have you got Donald?
Yeah, yeah.
Well, get ready, we have got to go.
(Clearing throat)
What the fuck is that?
Donald Hallford, in the flesh.
Oh, are you fucking serious?
Bones, brother.
I take my fucking very seriously.
Hey, hey, hey! Shut the fuck up!
When I said, "Bring me Donald Hallford."
I want Donald Hallford, not just his fucking head!
Let's vote!
Is the skull of Donald Hallford enough?
Nah. I got it.
Sorry, man.
Brother, how far would you say you are from your feet?
About five feet, ten inches.
And from your chest?
I don't know, about a foot.
So if you were to describe the locus point of you,
you would say that you are in your voice,
which comes out of your mouth, yes?
What the fuck?
Just bear with me, Einstein,
or the Potemkin goes down for the count.
When you say that you are five feet, ten inches from your feet,
that's ridiculous, because your feet are a part of you, right?
Yeah.
But you naturally assume
that your feet are not a part of you,
they are "over there."
"Dipso" facto,
we can assume that before he died,
Donald Hallford too believed that he existed only
in his mind, in his head.
And so in bringing you the head of Donald Hallford,
I have brought you the himmest part of him,
the he-ist part of he,
as confirmed by your characterization of your feet
as "over there."
You confirmed that existence occurs only between the ears,
and that the rest of the body is but a support mechanism.
I don't know what the fuck you just said, but,
either way, there has got to be a penalty clause.
There's always a penalty clause, man.
A late arrival, plus no body, it is double the mission.
Fuck it. Me and Don are out of here.
No great loss. No!
Wait, wait! Wait!
Look, this is too fucking important.
Don't let them get to you.
We said we were going to do this together.
Go.
You can't get rid of me that easy.
Someone jacked my car.
Pretty witty, bitch.
Tell them you want to use Rule Four.
Trust me, Rule Four.
What about Rule Four?
Rule Four? Rule Four.
Fuck, man! Fuck Rule Four!
Fuck Rule Four. Fuck you.
No offence,
but you're a little too hairy for me, brother.
That's my boy. Don't break down.
You sure you can handle Rule Four?
I can handle anything your grey matter wants to
squirt out at me, bro.
Steal some more wheels, bitch.
And swipe some balls while you are at it.
You're going air bagging.
All right!
He's going air bagging, man!
How do you like that? (Cheering)
Yeah!
You look a little sick, man.
Something you ate?
Did you catch a buzz yet?
I can feel the rings on my fingers,
even the ones I'm not wearing.
Why do we do so much shit?
Because I'm a shaman.
Don't shake your head when I say that, I'm serious.
I'm shaking my hair. I crossed the river of death,
and I steal sand and I bring it back,
and I'll build you castles you will never live in.
Shamans don't drive cars.
In America they do.
The others are just pussies,
humming naked prayers in the dark,
while walking from somewhere to nowhere
at the slowest of speeds.
If you're a shaman,
what am I?
You are my muse.
A muse.
That's right, we're "a-musing" together.
Are we ready?
Freddy's not here yet.
Ain't one girlfriend enough for you?
Got meth?
No, this is my own special shit.
This is motor neuron stimulants.
This is motor crazy shit.
For the car?
No. DSD.
It is kind of like what they give fighter pilots,
to make their nerves and their reflexes sharp.
To sharpen up their reflexes.
It is kind of like speed, you know,
but they take all the crazy energy from the neurons,
and they make them-- Make them stronger,
instead of weaker.
Make them stronger,
'cause they're weaker.
What is it? What?
This makes me smarter?
No, faster.
Let me try it. Wait, let me--
No, just see what happens.
I haven't tasted this shit yet.
Excuse me.
Remember, ladies, only pussies can't drive 55.
Any less and you're out.
Go bag it.
The inmates have taken over the asylum.
Thirty-five.
Forty.
Fifty! Fifty-five!
Fifty-seven miles.
We'll be watching you.
(Engine starting)
Honda Prelude, '88 model.
It does have the airbag, right?
Let's find out.
MILLER: Are you clear on the rules?
Man, if I see brake lights, you lose.
You've got to hit 55.
You won't lose if you can't lose.
(Phone ringing)
Make this extremely quick.
FREDDY: This ain't no thing for a speed racer like you.
I thought you were gonna leave me hanging.
Just another mission for our heroes.
You're next.
Oh, click it or ticket.
Thank you, officer.
(Cheering)
MAN: Jack?
Jack, you made it.
Who the fuck are you?
You're a lucky man, Jack.
I don't feel lucky.
Well, I'm here on behalf of the fraternity.
I would just like to ask you a question or two.
I almost fucking killed myself.
What more is there to question?
Well, why do you want to be a Veritas man?
Veritas gives hope.
Hope?
Yeah, like if you die,
you got somebody to give you a decent burial.
Well, you can always pay people to do that.
Yeah, but you can not pay them to give a fuck.
So for you, fraternity is like a family.
Yeah, I guess so.
And it's the only one you've got.
Why don't you tell me why I want to join Veritas, then.
Well, don't you remember your Latin?
Veritas means truth.
(Phone ringing)
Hello?
FREDDY: Jack?
Yeah?
Where are you right now?
Um, in bed.
Who is this?
It's the Prince of Darkness.
Freddy.
Hey!
Are you alone?
Yeah.
You're a fucking liar!
You're fucking my girlfriend!
You're fucking dead!
Are you okay?
Yeah.
Nightmare.
What happened?
Freddy was here.
He saw us.
Fuck. Did I hit my head?
(Chuckling)
It was me.
You hit your head?
Oh.
(Ringing)
Hello?
FREDDY: Are you in bed?
Yeah. Why? Where are you?
I'm home.
You know, where the, um,
where the dear and the aristocracy play.
England home?
Well, they--
They found my wallet in Miller's car.
Fuck!
Oh, don't shit a brick.
I kept you out of it.
But they do know that somebody else was driving.
So, what I suggest you do,
is you come over here whilst it blows over,
and lay low in style.
Can you get the natives to call me "the Ripper"?
(Laughing)
I would like you to bring the rest of the gang.
Tell Mark that there is a serious need for his expertise.
And don't let Anne say no.
Uh, yeah. I'll make sure she's there.
We'll come after Bristor's final.
There won't be a final, Jack.
I think you know that now.
I wired you the money. Start packing.
Okay.
You know that, um,
recurring nightmare I told you about?
It's occurring.
Why do I love you?
Because you smell like milk.
No, really, I'm serious.
Milk and smell and scent,
it's all the true essence between two people.
There's no bullshit.
I love it when you're serious.
(Phone ringing)
(Yelling)
(Screaming)
Are you all right, sir?
We're about to land.
I'll be right back.
Whoa!
Oh, I feel sick.
Oh, my God! Shit!
This place has got to have secret passageways.
VERA: Where are his folks?
Monaco, Montserrat, Beverly Hills.
Only their psychotherapist knows for sure.
(Laughing)
Hello!
You should come up here. It's so beautiful.
(Door opening)
FREDDY: Twenty-seven thousand square feet.
Thirty-seven bedrooms,
14 and a half bathrooms.
Italian marble.
No Jacuzzi, I'm afraid,
but then, I do have five tennis courts.
I think you're gonna like it here.
Must be a bitch to heat in the winter.
Well, we do have electricity.
Where's your folks?
Monaco, Geneva, Beverly Hills.
We've come a long way.
We most definitely have.
Welcome. Thank you.
(Laughing)
(Engines running)
(Laughing)
You've been ominously quiet.
When have I ever gotten a word in
around the Jack and Freddy show?
Touché.
Hey, you had me worried.
Really!
I did?
One morning you were just gone? Of course I was worried!
You're like a brother to me!
Is that a good thing?
How can you feel otherwise?
How can you be so confident around the rest of the world,
and doubt yourself around me?
Someone has to throw me.
Look, it's like Jack always says--
Look, pretend for a minute there is no Jack!
Are you saying that Jack has some sort of control over me?
I didn't mean it like that.
It's just that sometimes I look at the two of you,
and it reminds me of how similar you both still are
to the 13-year-olds who used to peek at me
when I was dancing in my backyard.
You knew about that?
Why do you think I practiced so hard?
Close your eyes.
Okay, now keep them closed.
There's something I want to show you.
Open your eyes.
Oh, my God!
This is beautiful!
Wow!
My grandfather had it built for my grandmother.
She was Italian, so beautiful.
He loved her more than anything else in the world.
You never told me this.
Well, it would have spoiled the surprise.
That's not all.
He gave her one more thing before he died.
God, it's beautiful!
I want you to have it.
Shh.
Don't tell me now.
Tell me tomorrow night
at the party.
Excuse me.
Do you know where I can get a drink around here?
Two guys, one girl.
An equation whose solution
always leaves someone out in the cold.
Yeah, me.
Money always finds happiness.
Well, it seems a clear-cut case of who wants it most.
That's the problem with you rich, fucking,
over- privileged dicks!
It's always about getting "it"!
We're not even talking about a--
A house or a car, or a corporation.
We're talking about a woman.
But who says, uh, "it" is a girl?
What is "it" then?
Now, Jack, this pain I see in your eyes,
where does it come from?
I don't know.
Yeah!
¶
What happened to you?
I've been looking for you everywhere.
I must have blacked out during a blackout.
Where do you go when you black out?
It's, uh, stressful.
Basketball courts, swimming pools,
car wrecks, sex.
Same shit, different nightmare.
Then why do you still keep doing drugs?
Drugs are how a man with no past
faces a world with no future.
Okay, so
if you can still be all lyrical about it,
then it means that you're not a drunk.
What's wrong?
Nothing.
What's wrong?
Freddy asked me to marry him.
What about us?
You know how I feel about you, but--
But what?
You're an addict.
You're an addict,
and I don't know where you are.
Even when you're here with me, I don't know where you are.
You are just another fucked-up poor kid
whose parents did not care enough
or give him enough attention.
And now, you have some pathological need
to be the life or the soul
of some party,
only it's just in your mind.
I can change, okay?
I can be the fucking perfect,
well-adjusted, mature gentleman,
ready to carry you off to your perfect life.
You're planning our future together when
you can't even remember what you did the night before.
I think I'm entitled to more.
You want more?
Because I can give you more.
More is not a fucking problem!
More is easy! I can give you more!
Stop!
Come here.
What am I gonna do with you?
You're not making this easy.
I know.
Tell me about hell.
Hell is a mall and--
(Laughing)
and in it, outside it, all around it,
there are bums and geeks,
and they kind of want to get in
because they have to beg for money,
or for someone to kill them,
because they're too scared to go inside.
So is this like a strip mall, or is this a regular mall?
It's like a Jersey mall,
only first you have to cross a river.
The river is round.
Like a moat? Yeah.
¶
MAN (Quietly): Jack! Jack!
Jack!
The bathtub ate Vera.
I need some salt.
Listen, listen, listen, baby.
Come on, listen to my voice.
You have got a pulse, you're doing okay!
Party.
Hospital! No, no, no, no!
When's the last time you've been to a hospital?
I don't remember.
Have you got a fucking watch?
No!
Want me to go look for a watch?
I'm just trying to fucking help!
You want to fucking help?
Get her some fucking sodium chloride, all right?
Get some fucking table salt.
Hurry the fuck up!
Put the towels on the ground.
Put the fucking towels-- Come here!
Will you fucking hurry?
Close the fucking door! I need your fucking help!
All right!
What did you give her, man?
Same fuckin' thing we took.
Up straight, aim your body straight!
Can't even get a vein up.
She looks like shit.
Listen, she can hear us in there.
You have got to fucking keep it positive.
There is nothing else we can do now
until the saline cycle is through.
Fuck it, let's just crack open another 40
or smoke some kill!
Or some champagne, that'll do!
Where did you get fucking ice, man?
I've been looking all over this country for fucking ice
since we got here!
The Europeans aren't as obsessed with refrigeration.
Yeah, clearly!
(Gurgling)
Fuck!
(Coughing)
Hey! Hey, baby!
Why am I in an ice bucket?
No, no. No sleeping.
We gotta keep her talking, Jack, come on.
I want one of them.
Yeah!
Jesus Christ!
Hi.
VERA: Your halo's crooked.
(Laughing)
Obviously, you have a problem with authority.
Who doesn't?
You think you're smarter than anyone, don't you?
Including me, no doubt.
I think you have a problem about telling the truth.
What are you implying?
Lying.
Oh, excuse me, nurse,
would you mind turning that volume down?
Thank you.
We'll ring when we need you.
Now, that maid you remember,
did she tell you her name?
Marisol.
That is a beautiful name.
Beautiful.
Spanish, is that right?
I don't know.
You don't know.
Let me tell you something, Jack.
In the Brotherhood, we can't abide secrets,
because secrets, they have a habit of
creeping back and haunting you.
I don't have any secrets.
Jack, you do.
You do, Jack.
You know what happened to that girl, Jack.
When you woke up by the pier,
Marisol had not just disappeared, had she?
JACK: She was no longer there.
I don't know how else you could describe that.
You know what happened to that girl, Jack.
You know, I really am a fan of the grunge look, Jack,
but I was kind of hoping you might go dapper for the evening.
We had a little problem upstairs.
Vera almost Joplin'd, and then when that didn't work,
she tried to drown herself in the bathtub.
Yes, she really is a fuck up at anything but fucking, isn't she?
That was pretty cold.
Are you defending your sex doll?
You know, I could always loan you ten pounds,
and you can go and buy another one.
Only this time, please buy one that can't talk.
You know, it's good to know
that even when you're playing dress-up,
the prick in you doesn't die.
Oh, this prick will never die, dog.
Gosh.
I'm shaking like a crack ho at a methadone clinic.
This is it, amigo.
I feel like my whole life has been building up to this moment.
We need to talk.
Why? What have you done?
And how much of my money will it take to make it go away?
It's about Anne.
What about Anne?
We, um--
If it makes a difference-- Jack.
First rule of Veritas,
"Brothers before others."
Brothers before others.
Why don't you get dressed?
¶
Hey, what is in that stuff you're giving them?
Well, there is tryptamine and there's dimethyltryptamine.
You trip. Know what I mean?
"Di" means two, and "methyl" became popular
from its lesser cousin, simply known as meth.
Essence and speed.
Twice, hold the cow shit.
My friends have such an intimate relationship with their drugs.
You drink alcohol.
Everything I make in my lab is just the same.
It's not just the same!
What you make in your lab is hardcore illegal drugs.
Hardcore, softcore. Drugs are a conduit.
No, he's right.
Psilocybin mushrooms grow in cow shit.
Apes would eat these mushrooms.
Must be where the term "some good shit" comes from.
Anne. Should we tell everybody?
What? About us.
(Laughing)
Us? What, us?
Ladies and gentlemen,
(Clinking glass)
I have an announcement to make.
Or is it a confession?
You see, I have asked Anne,
if she would do me the unfathomable honour
of becoming my wife.
Cheers! No, no.
You see, she has yet to give me a reply.
But she has promised to let me know this evening.
So all that remains in the presence of my dearest,
most cherished
and trusted friends,
is for me to humbly beseech her response.
Providing, of course, there are no objections.
Anne, this could be our wedding party.
This could be our final "bon voyage" to the wild life.
One final fling before we wave goodbye to childhood.
Anne, be with me, please!
Just as I thought.
Ladies and gentlemen,
Jack, the lad, is fucking my girlfriend!
Freddy, don't do it, man.
You ungrateful little cunt!
I gave you everything you could possibly ever want!
But you had to take the one thing that I did not offer you!
Freddy, calm down. Freddy, please, man!
I feel like I've gone to hell already, and I'm dead!
Mark, can we fucking smoke a joint over here or something?
Jack, I'm going out of my fucking head, here!
What do you want me to fucking do about it?
It's not my fault! I didn't-- Yes, you did!
I did all of this so that I could get close to you!
This is bad. This is bad, dude!
Fucking water or something for...
If by bad, you mean, good,
then, yes, it is.
You're fucking out of your mind right now!
You don't think I've known about you and Anne
all of this time?
This isn't about me and her, about me and you!
Freddy, why don't you get yourself a fucking life?
That's exactly what I intend to do.
MAN: Get over here! Come over here!
(Screaming)
MAN: This pain I see in your eyes, where does it come from?
I don't know.
The boozing, the partying, the fornicating,
it doesn't alleviate it?
No, it just makes me numb.
Your father was a gardener, wasn't he?
Yeah.
So how could the son of a gardener afford
to go to such a prestigious college?
Scholarship program.
Your best friend paid your fees.
So?
Well, I guess he always felt guilty after the accident.
So tell me, what happened in your childhood?
Nothing.
And who was Simon?
I don't know who you're talking about.
Hi, guys! I was hoping you would be here.
How're you doing, Simon?
Anne looks great, doesn't she?
Look, Simon, Jack and I are having a talk
about some private stuff. Maybe you could get--
Did you hear about the big contest?
What contest?
We are going to see who can hold their breath the longest
in the pool.
The winner gets five minutes in heaven with Anne.
Oh, yeah? Who decided that?
Anne. She called me last night,
to ask me if I thought it was a good idea.
Anne phoned you last night?
We talk almost every day.
Well, if you will excuse us, Simon,
Jack and I are going to discuss some exercises
to expand our lung capacity.
Okay, I got you.
May the best man win.
There's no way Simon can win that contest.
Calls her every night!
Who the hell does he think he is?
Relax, it's just Simon.
I hope I can count on you, Jack.
I have to be the one who ends up with Anne.
Whatever you need, buddy.
So, what happened in the pool, Jack?
It was a long time ago.
Yes, but you keep coming back to it.
ANNE: You all jump in together.
The last one who comes up wins.
JACK: Can I get a kiss for good luck?
Step forward.
Who brought him?
I apologize. He's my personal trainer.
We'll see how he shapes up.
Ready, set,
go!
¶
The truth, Jack,
for once in your cheap, sordid,
miserable little life.
Simon thought that he could just take her.
Yeah, but you muscled in on her, didn't you?
Didn't you?
And that is really what's killing you, isn't it?
¶
Is everyone all right?
Fuck you. It's your goddamn fault we are here!
Why couldn't you have broken the heart of some poor schmuck,
instead of that fucked up rich kid with the house of horrors?
They locked me up like this before,
and then they put a hose in.
Who is they?
Veritas.
They nearly drowned me.
That's what he's gonna do next.
Who's "he"?
VERA: How stoned are you?
Freddy, the twisted fuck, is going to kill us all,
because the love of his life would rather fuck Jack!
Best friends make the worst enemies.
Who asked you, huh?
Hello!
Wait.
Listen.
What is it?
The birds are gone.
He knows my fears.
Out of one box and in another.
Perfect! Fucking perfect!
There's got to be a door or a window.
What do we do now?
We should call the police.
It's fucking dead!
It must be a holiday or something.
I have a cell phone!
(Beeping)
It's wet!
I wonder how it got wet.
My parents are going to freak unless I call!
Don't touch anything! Don't touch anything!
Assume everything is a trap!
It's just the wine cellar, dude!
Listen to him, Mark!
Jack knows Freddy better than anyone!
VERA: Right now, I wish I had never met any of you assholes.
MARK: Look, Freddy is just yanking our chain.
Any second, the door is going to open up,
he is going to be there with a great big smile on his face,
and the joke is on us, and the party continues.
JACK: Do not kid yourself.
Freddy is capable of very bad things.
VERA: What does that mean, Jack?
Jack, what are you saying?
Jack? Jack? Jack?
Jack? Jack, get up!
Jack?
And you, uh, really think you killed that kid?
That wasn't Simon.
I killed him. I swear, I killed him!
No. That wasn't Simon, Jack.
JACK: I am going to lose my fucking mind, I swear!
And yet, you swear. By what do you swear?
By your honour?
By your drugged-out,
wasted little ingrate life,
could happily fuck the only girl
his only friend had ever loved?
You really like jerking the world off,
don't you, Jack?
Jack?
You need to stay with us, Jack.
We sure can pick our men.
MARK: What happened, bud?
Nightmare.
Yeah? What did you see?
A tunnel of light.
It is common for people who survive a near death experience
to say the same thing.
"A tunnel of light calls to me."
It's a collective memory.
Where do these tunnels of light go?
What is the light at the end of the tunnel?
Are you really awake, Jack?
I'm just fucking with you.
Look, don't touch anything, man.
Vera, come here.
This is exactly what we need.
Mark, use what's left of your brain for once
and get over here!
MARK: You know, I guess they get paid in wine over here.
That's why nothing works.
See, we're not drunk enough yet.
That's my theory.
If we get completely wasted--
That phone over there is not fucking working.
1875.
Do you realize how pickled our brain is going to be
when we drink this?
Mark, just put it down.
Let's drink a little bit to smooth out the edges.
Listen to Jack.
Hey, Vera, I know you're always good for a screw,
but what about a corkscrew?
Mark! Bite me!
Mark!
(Rumbling)
Mark! Mark!
¶
This is so cool!
(Screaming)
How hard would it have been to marry the rich boy
and live happily ever after?
Shut up, Vera.
You know, all you had to do was ask.
I would have put on a wig
and dressed like Miss Uptight over there.
We would be upstairs safe and sound,
instead of wondering which one of us dies next.
He had a choice.
You've been Freddy's since the second he decided
it was gonna be that way!
All the money in the world does not give a person the right
to decide another's future for them.
Then how come it's always us poor bastards who end up paying?
We have to get out of here.
So...
What is at the end of the tunnel of light?
We are born into this world through a tunnel into light,
and we leave this world through a tunnel into light.
One tunnel just leads to the next, and the next,
and the next, and the next, whether we are ready or not.
The nature of life is that there is no end to anything.
Who said that?
Nobody.
Freddy!
Help!
Damn you! Let us out!
Hello!
Guys?
It smells like a sewer.
It's pretty small.
You can stay and calculate the circumference,
but I'm getting the hell out of here
so I am not next on Freddy's to-do list.
I think we should wait.
I will take questionable odours over certain death any day.
Hey.
You can guide me into the hole for once, okay?
Wait, wait, wait.
Where did you get this?
You're such an asshole.
It is from the doll we won on the Brighton Boardwalk.
Jack?
Are you coming?
Jack? Jack, I'm not waiting for you!
Vera.
Hey! Hey, I can stand!
Jack! Anne!
It's not so bad!
Hey!
When I was a kid, my mom took me school shopping.
There was this pair of Nikes that I wanted,
and she wouldn't get them for me.
She said they were too expensive.
So she got me these fakes instead.
So I went to school on the first day, and I had my fakes on,
and this older kid was like, "Cool fucking Jeepers, man."
And I said, "Yeah," and I smiled.
Only the ghetto kids had Jeepers.
Only the kids that I made fun of had Jeepers.
And I realized right there
that I was one of those kids.
A born loser.
It's like you don't realize it, but
you smile because
you can not let them see you wince when you got to eat shit.
So you just smile, and you fucking bear it.
And I remember thinking,
"Just act like a frat guy,
act like a fucking frat guy,"
until you can get them all back.
I went home that day and I said,
"Mom, you got me some fucking Jeepers!"
I'm not gonna let you die in here, Jack.
Hey.
Can't lose, won't lose.
Anne!
I'm over here.
Come on.
You think Mark told Freddy about us?
I told him.
Why?
Because I felt like I was losing the race.
I'm not a race!
Why do you keep looking behind us?
Because you never see it coming.
Do you think Vera made it?
Vera has the survival instincts
of a cockroach during nuclear winter.
Does that mean, yes? Does it?
Please! Please!
Is this it?
Stay here.
Jack?
Jack!
There is a light on the other side,
and there is an opening in the grate!
It looks like Vera made it!
I am not going. I can't.
Anne, we gotta get out of here!
There is not enough room!
I can't do it!
Okay. All right.
I'll go check it out, all right?
Wait!
I love you.
(Crying)
Stop!
(Screaming)
You scared the shit out of me!
How did you do that?
What? You were dead!
You weren't moving!
What?
You weren't fucking moving!
It looks like we have a winner!
Yeah!
(Cheering)
Why do you always pass out on your face like that?
So I don't choke.
So whose car are we borrowing?
Miller's.
I hope it's decent.
Well, what is decent?
A sports car, a four by four, a rear-wheel drive?
Do you know what the best cars are?
Somebody else's.
Why is Bristor here?
Well, he's got to earn a living.
What kind of car would Miller drive?
That one.
Now we come to the difficult part, Jack,
and you won't be the first to falter.
Can we just change the subject?
Well, rules are rules, Jack,
and if you won't tell the truth,
then I am afraid that I shall have to tell it.
What are you doing in my car?
Trying to get it fired up.
Okay, Mr. Parsons, that's it.
MAN: You deliberately
struck your professor
with a tire iron!
Eventually puncturing his lung.
He died soon after.
Oh, click it or ticket.
Thank you, officer.
Thirty.
Thirty-five.
Forty!
Fifty!
Fifty-five!
He's going too fucking fast!
Sixty!
Sixty-five!
(Cheering)
Somebody?
Jack!
Somebody call 9-1-1!
Are you happy now? Huh?
Is this what you need to get high on yourself?
Is it?
He was supposed to drive 55.
He went 72.
You are so fucked up!
Listen to me, Jack.
MARK: He can't hear you!
Shut the fuck up, Mark!
Am I back?
Well, you must be if you're talking to me.
Jesus Christ! What the fuck was that?
The crystalline amide.
I had to do a lithium alcohol hydrogen four mixer,
and then it crystallized back into dimethyltryptamine.
English, man!
In short, it is the food of the gods.
No airbag. Fuck!
Don't worry about the pain, baby!
Doctor Mark is going to set you up.
Have I ever told you about my
"you can't lose if you don't lose" philosophy, Anne?
It's a slogan, Jack, not a philosophy.
So, Jack, what can you tell me?
It is a characteristic of the human mind
to hate the one we have injured.
Oh, very good. Tacitus.
Are you here to make sure
that I do not tell the police about the Brotherhood?
Veritas does not work in that way.
I'm not even a member.
It's still under consideration.
Professor Bristor was just an example, but,
you and I know well, Jack,
that is not your real secret, is it?
Do we have a winner?!
Jesus Christ!
Jack?
What was all that noise?
Oh, lord, look at the stars, Freddy.
Freddy, look at the stars.
You know, if one ever did meet God,
one would have to congratulate him on those.
Where's the roof?
That's a very touching story, Jack.
You and your friend Freddy seemed to be guided by angels.
It is a miracle we both survived.
There was no miracle, Jack.
So I made some stuff up.
You know, that's a good thing.
It means I didn't kill Bristor,
it means I didn't kill Marisol!
Yeah, that's right.
I can't fucking lose, man!
Jack, why do you think I'm here?
I have no fucking idea.
Ask me.
You killed your best friend, Jack.
Freddy, look at the stars.
Freddy?
Freddy, quit fucking around.
Freddy?
Freddy? Freddy?
Freddy?
You killed Freddy.
Congratulations, Jack.
You made it.
Now, that was not so hard, was it?
What about the police?
Oh, the police won't be a problem.
(Clearing throat)
What the fuck is that?
Donald Hallford in the flesh,
or bones, brother.
Are you fucking serious?
I take my fucking very seriously!
Oh, fuck!
What's time when you are dealing with the dead, brother?
(Cheering)
¶
It is too fast! He's going too fucking fast!
Somebody?
Jack!
Who are you?
You know who I am, Jack.
You know.
Anne! Anne!
Anne!
¶